How Often Are You Shoulding Yourself?

How often do you tell yourself, “I should do X”? I’m assuming it doesn’t exactly inspire you to leap out of your chair to take action. Perhaps… it nags at you like a disapproving parent (sorry, parents)?

Here’s the thing: “I should” sounds like an obligation, something imposed on you rather than something you truly want to do. It can feel heavy, draining, and guilt-inducing.

What if, instead of “I should,” you said, “I will”?

That change is subtle but could make all the difference. Language shapes how we approach our goals — “should” feels like a burden, while ‘will’ turns it into a, commitment, a choice, and a step toward action.

Why Language Matters

The words we use shape the way we approach our goals. “Should” implies pressure, judgment, and guilt. It’s often tied to what we think others expect of us or what we think we ought to do, even if it doesn’t align with our desires.

“I will,” on the other hand, is intentional. It’s proactive. It frames the task as something you’re choosing to do, not something being forced upon you.

Compare these two statements:

• “I should exercise more.”

• “I will take a 20-minute walk after lunch today.”

Which one feels lighter? More doable? The second one turns a vague, guilt-ridden “should” into a clear, actionable choice.

Make It Specific

Here’s the secret sauce: the more specific your “I will” statement, the more likely you are to follow through. Instead of saying “I will exercise,” try “I will stretch for 10 minutes before bed tonight.”

Here are some examples of transforming “I should” into “I will”:

• Instead of “I should drink more water,” say “I will fill my water bottle and drink two glasses before lunch.”

• Instead of “I should start that project,” say “I will spend 30 minutes brainstorming ideas for my project at 10 a.m.”

• Instead of “I should call my friend,” say “I will text [Friend’s Name] this afternoon to see when they’re free to chat.”

Try It Out

Next time you catch yourself saying “I should,” pause and ask yourself:

• “Why do I feel like I should do this?”

• “Do I actually want to do it?”

• “What’s one small, specific step I’m willing to take instead?”

Then reframe it:

• “I should clean the house.”

• Becomes: “I will tidy my kitchen for 15 minutes after dinner.”

How does the reframe sound to you? Does it make the task less overwhelming? Does it feel more like a choice and less like a chore?

My Challenge to You

For the next week, pay attention to how often “I should” pops up in your thoughts or conversations. Each time it does, replace it with “I will” and make it specific.

Not only will this shift empower you to take action, but it might also help you see your goals and responsibilities in a new light. Less guilt, more choice. Less pressure, more purpose.

Tried these tips? Share your results with me at info@claritycoachsandy.com — I’d love to hear how it went!

More examples of “should” vs “will” statements to drive the point home!